Today's special guest is Mary
Anne Benedetto, the author of five books, including 7 Easy Steps to
Memoir Writing: Build a Priceless Legacy One Story at a Time! A
speaker, blogger and Certified Lifewriting Instructor, her other works feature
a travel memoir, From Italy with Love
& Limoncello, pet story writing guide, Write Your Pet’s Life Story in 7 Easy
Steps!, and Christian fiction
selections Eyelash and Never Say Perfect. She enjoys golf, travel,
visiting family and friends, walking the spectacular South Carolina beaches and
curling up with a great book. Mary Anne is founder of Beach Author Network, a
marketing and promotions networking group for South Carolina coast authors, and
Life Story Lunch Bunch, a lively memoir
writing group.
Contact
Mary Anne Benedetto at info@awriterspresence.com
and visit www.awriterspresence.com, www.maryannebenedetto.blogspot.com,
www.abookfeast4u.blogspot.com, www.4womenwholove2travel.blogspot.com
Her very special guest post is below - and perfect for remembering that today, December 7, marks the anniversary of the date-as Franklin D. Roosevelt pur it-"that shall live in infamy" - Pearl Harbor Day, December 7, 1941.
Breaking
the Silence Barrier:
5 Tips for Facilitating Memoirs for the Elderly
I
inadvertently imploded the opportunity to capture my dad’s memoirs before he
passed away. While this was not a case
of disinterest or apathy, the sad truth is that it had simply never occurred to
me.
Despite
the fact that Dad was on active military
duty, stationed at Pearl Harbor when it was bombed on December 7, 1941, survived
and continued to serve our country at other Pacific locations including
Guadalcanal, the realization that his stories would be forever lost if not
preserved had never crossed my mind. The light bulb illuminated during my tour
of Pearl Harbor just a few years later.
I
vowed not to allow the same mistake to occur with Mom. In my initial enthusiasm to pick her brain of
all possible recollections, I arrived armed with pen, legal pad and a small
recording device. As she sat in her favorite rocking chair, I faced her--poised
for the inquisition. She looked like the cat who had stuck its tail in an electrical
socket. She appeared petrified.
After
asking a few seemingly simple questions and receiving somewhat evasive answers,
I realized that the position in which I had placed my elderly mother was
unreasonable. I was putting her on the spot, expecting her to spontaneously
produce answers to questions that might require reflection and contemplation.
During one session, she furrowed her brow and wrinkled her nose at me. She
announced, “I don’t feel like thinking today.”
I
get it. There are times when my brain begs for a well-deserved break in the
action. Some days I don’t feel like writing, while other days the pen or my
fingers on the keyboard cannot move fast enough to keep up with my creative
outpouring. I could sympathize with her polite reluctance.
Evaluating
possible solutions, I determined that I would make far better progress by doing
the following:
1-Provide
her with a short list of questions in advance--just a few at a time in order to
avoid overwhelming her. This allowed her to consider her answers at her own
leisure, rather than being pressured by my snug timeframe.
2-Limit
our recording sessions to one hour maximum, unless she was on a memory roll and
appeared eager to continue. Keep the recorder nearby, but not in an intrusive
location. Once she forgot about the recording device, one story easily led to
another.
3-Respect
that she might not choose to answer every question for reasons that I should
not insist she explain. She is entitled to privacy.
4-Realize
that her memoirs will take shape over time and make each session pleasurable,
rather than a chore for her.
5-Remember
to encourage her to share her feelings about those life events--not just
facts and dates.
Putting
these tips into practice virtually eliminated the frustration that we shared in
attempting to generate her memories. Those stories are a precious gift that
will build a bridge from generation to generation--her priceless legacy.
